North Face Discontinues Men’s Spandex

After an extensive pro/con list, it’s official: North Face has decided to stop making men’s lower extremity spandex.  “We weighed out the positives and negatives before making this decision.  We went over the number of answers on each list and the quality of our reasoning behind it.  It was unanimous,” Kenneth Klopp, founder of North Face said.

The pro/con list was kept private; however, we can only imagine what is on that list.  “We feel that it is a decision that will make men [and women] happier across the country [and world],” Klopp added in. 

Klopp is definitely correct. No one wants to see men in spandex running down the street.  North Face is in the process of discontinuing men’s short-shorts as well.  

Repairman Finds Hammer

Carlsbad, New Mexico – A local repairman from Harris and Sons Co Inc ™ arrived at a job on Sunday afternoon to repair some shudders.  Panic set in upon arrival as Louis Harris realized he did not have his hammer.  “The primary tool that I needed to use to fix these shudders was my hammer,” Harris exclaimed.  “There were some nails that needed to be hammered.”

Harris told us that his company believes it is unethical to ask his customer if he can borrow a hammer, but he decided to do it anyways.  “He came in our house and asked to borrow our hammer.  I was kind of surprised he didn't have his own,” Gloria Peterson told us regarding Harris’ unethical decision. “Unfortunately, I don’t own one.”

Harris went along and began his projected completing as much as he could without the assistance of his hammer.  “I called my brother and asked if he could bring me one but he was fixing someone’s toilet,” Harris said.

After completing all he could without his hammer, Harris checked his bag one more time. “It had been in my bag all along.  Somehow I missed it.” 

All it took was a double-checking of his bag to realize he had his hammer all along.  Not only was Harris so relieved to have his hammer, he repaired all ten shudders on the house.  After his job was complete, he hammered 47 nails into an extra piece of wood just for fun.

Chucky Doll Comes to Life & Helps with Household Chores

Hardin, MT – In a small, normally quiet home on 4^th St W, an unusual event had occurred.  After watching Child’s Play 3 last night, Mr. and Mrs. Robinson were woken up at approximately 4 this morning when they heard sounds coming from the kitchen.

“It sounded like the water was running and the vacuum was on.  I don’t know, maybe some power tools.  It woke us up!,” Mr. Robinson exclaimed.  “My wife and I woke up and I went downstairs with my tennis racquet.”

With his tennis racquet in hand ready to strike the intruder, Mr. Robinson was shocked to find what he did.  “Our Chucky doll was cleaning our dishes from the night before.  The floor looked polished, the table was set.  I couldn’t believe it,” stated Mr. Robinson.  “Then he said to me ‘I am sorry, did I wake you?’  I was relieved there was no intruder but it was hard to believe that my Chucky doll came to life.  And was cleaning the house too”

“We have been huge fans of the Chucky movies and periodically watch them.  Our Chucky doll had been in our guest bedroom,” Mrs. Robinson reported.

Chucky, who has been an evil villain in his movies is actually an extremely generous and helpful doll.  We were lucky enough to have some words with him.

Q: What made you decide to clean the Robinson’s house?

A: I knew they watched my movie last night and I didn’t want them to think that I really was an evil character.  I had been sitting still since I was purchased and I thought it was time for some change.

Q: Do you expect any compensation for your work?

A: I am not in need of any.  I am a toy doll.

Q: Do you see these chores as becoming a weekly or even daily task for you?

A: I don’t see why not.

Mr. and Mrs. Robinson are hoping that if and when Chucky performs household chores again, it is not at 4 in the morning.

Man With Small Hands Buys Small Doorknobs

Greeneville, AL – It has been three years that Eric Hanson has been living in his current home.  It has been his whole life that he has been living with his tiny hands.  Last Tuesday, Hanson came up with an idea that will change his life forever.           

“Yes, it was Tuesday.  I came home from work and finally realized that I don’t need to keep putting up with these huge, normal sized doorknobs when I have such small hands,” Hanson stated.  “It just hit me – I decided to get some smaller doorknobs.”

It took the 43 year old a few years longer than it should have to come up with this idea but the important part is that he did.  “I have had trouble for years getting doors open.  I think I’m going to start buying small jars of jam too.”  

What a feel-good story to report.  Hanson is hoping his story will inspire other men and women with small hands to also look into installing smaller doorknobs for their homes.