Dunkin' Donuts Serves Coffee Flavored Tea

Canton, MA - Dunkin' Donuts has announced they are now serving coffee flavored tea.  “New England loves Dunkin coffee and now we have something that the tea drinkers can really enjoy,” said CEO Nigel Travis. 

Starting today this coffee flavored tea will be served either hot or cold in your favorite flavors of coffee, such as French Vanilla, Hazelnut, or even Caramel.  Travis continued to tell us “we are thinking of adding tea flavored coffee in all your favorite flavored teas as well.  Come on down today and get yourself a Blueberry flavored coffee flavored tea.”

Car Runs On Whole Milk

Appleton, WI – A brand new car company, Mizola, has announced today that their first line of cars will operate on milk, as opposed to gasoline.  They will be releasing three automobiles in the fall of 2011, the Fluenza (starting at $16,995), the Carizard (starting at $22,995), and the Happy Cow (starting at $29,995).

The Fluenza, Carizard, and Happy Cow will be running on skim, 2%, and whole milk respectively.  More detailed specifications about the vehicles will be released by Mizola within the next few weeks; however, we did get to speak with the founder and C.E.O., Dr. James Derwin, about these milk powered cars.

“The idea of alternative fueled cars began with us in 2006 when gas prices began to rise.  My crew and I worked on all sorts of different potential fuels such as mayonnaise, grass, and olive oil, to name a few.  Some fuels were more pricey than gas, some didn’t work, and some didn’t work well,” Dr. Derwin told us. 

We were curious how he ended up with milk; “one day after filling up the car I had with gas, I went inside the gas station to pick up some milk at $2.59 a gallon, thirty cents less per gallon than my gas was.  I brought the idea back to my crew and two years later, kaboom – milk powered cars,” Dr. Derwin responded. 

Dr. Derwin did also tell us that the Fluenza is expected to get 48 miles per gallon of milk on the highway and that the Carizard and the Happy Cow are only expected to get more.  Not only are these vehicles expected to be great on milk, but we are ensured quality performance and very stylish vehicles as well.  Continue to check with Mizola for updated information.

Traffic Light Turns Green For Frustrated Driver

Boston, MA – At approximately 3:52pm yesterday afternoon, the traffic light on the corner of Newbury Street and Gloucester Street turned green after several minutes of patience from driver, Jim Gallagher.  “I had approached the last three lights in a row red and it was like they never turned green.  I was sitting there forever and it was just so frustrating,” says Gallagher.  “Then, finally this one did!” 

Gallagher was heading away from Boston towards P & J Bait Shop on Dorchester Avenue.  “I was gonna go a fishin’,” Gallagher said.  It was estimated that this light turning green saved Gallagher roughly 37 seconds in his travels.

“Well, at the fishin’ store, I got a real good parkin’ space.  Who knows…that space may have been taken if that light had been stayin’ red for longer,” Gallagher exclaimed.  “That awesome parking spot also saved me time.  If I had parked farther away, it would have taken much, much longer to get inside.”

It has also been reported that there are several potholes in the parking lot of P & J Bait shop beyond where Gallagher had been parked.  Had he been forced to park elsewhere, it is likely that he may have gotten a flat tire, run out of gas, or even tripped while walking into the store.  

Chocolate Milk Still Tastes Good

Phoenix, AZ – 37 year old, Wayne Freeman is surprised how much he still enjoys the taste of chocolate milk after all these years.  “It was my favorite drink as a kid.  I would drink it with my mac n cheese,” Freeman explained.  To clarify for those of you who don’t know, chocolate milk is a mixture of milk and chocolate (most commonly in powder or syrup form).

“When I was younger, I noticed my parents ate things like egg salad, green beans, pea soup, and borscht.  They never drank chocolate milk so I thought I only had a limited time to enjoy it myself,” Freeman said.

It was reported that the recipe for chocolate milk has not changed since the beginning of time and in a recent taste test it was found that chocolate milk is “still delicious.”

Freeman continued to tell us that “I’ve been waiting twenty-five years for the day that I stop liking it but now, as a grown-up who still loves the stuff, I don’t see it happening.”

Freeman said that after he retires he plans on “brewing” his on chocolate milk, however, isn’t that what everyone does anyway?

Man Gains Weight To Fit Into Marathon T-Shirt

Piney Point, MD – Crossing the finish line of a marathon is quite a remarkable task and after finishing your first, it can be quite the process to recover.  Joe Mitchell (24), of Drayden, MD, had something else on his mind after completing the Lower Potomac River Marathon. 

“Yes, I ran it two Saturday’s ago.  It was an amazing feeling to run my first marathon,” Mitchell told us.  All finishers were given a ‘Lower Potomac River Marathon’ t-shirt.  Despite asking for a medium sized shirt, Mitchell was handed a large and did not notice before returning home. “I was so upset.  I wear a medium!  Not a large!  I really wanted to wear this t-shirt to show off what I did.”

After several telephone calls, in attempt to swap his large for a medium, frustration built up without success.  “This is my favorite t-shirt I’ve ever had and I’m going to wear it and that’s that,” Mitchell exclaimed in anger.  He began to brainstorm a list of ideas.  He tried shrinking the shirt but the 5% polyester would not allow the 95% cotton to downsize whatsoever. 

With no way of making the shirt smaller, Mitchell only had one option – “I decided to make myself bigger,” Mitchell said.

Two weeks and twenty-three pounds later, he has done just that.  A diet of fast foods, doughnuts, and string-cheese has brought him exactly to his goal – into his t-shirt. 

“Well, I ate all this delicious tasting food for every meal for two weeks.  I forgot how good cinnamon rolls were.  I ran a marathon.  I deserved to eat a little junk.  It was an amazing two weeks and most importantly, I can now wear my t-shirt whenever I want.  That is the real reward,” Mitchell commented. 

It was clear that Joe Mitchell gained more pleasure from fitting into his t-shirt than from completing the Lower Potomac River Marathon.  And it’s a good thing he was able to fit because based on the looks of the twenty-four year old now, that will probably be the last marathon t-shirt he will be earning.