Donald Trump Running For President Was Elaborate April Fools Prank

Washington D.C.  -  The idea had begun on April Fools Day back in 2014. [Donald] Trump and [Hillary] Clinton were out to breakfast at their local favorite, the Blue Duck Tavern. In an exclusive interview with Donald Trump, he explained what happened next.

Trump explained "Hil [lary Clinton] said to me that there's no way I could beat her in the next presedential election. I told her I wouldn't run against her anyway - she's my little buddy. As I got closer to finishing my second raspberry waffle, the friendly compettion began heating up and we decided there was no reason not to try and settle the argument of who would beat who in the 2016 election. I figured once people catch on that the idea of me running for president must be a joke, we would just admit that it was a hilarious April Fools Prank I'd reveal on my TV show "The Plentiful Madness" that was originally supposed to debut last October."

Later in the interview, Trump told us that the loser of the bet [the presidential election] would owe the winner a Chipotle burrito with extra meat. "A while passed and I actually started getting supporters and winning primaries. We've got a lot of video footage of all of my supporters and we're currently putting together a Truman Show-like movie based on the lives my supporters have been living the past couple years," Trump told us.

Trump did think about actually continuing past April 1, 2016 to finish the bet and see if he could take home the burrito, but being President for the next 4 years was "probably going to be a lot of work," Trump exclaimed. "After Chipotle's whole fiasco with the e-coli, they sent me a coupon in the mail for a free burrito, and that made me realize that actually going through the next four years of presidency was not worth having Hillary buy me one," Trump concluded the interview with.

Well there you have it, folks. I think a lot of us saw this coming. It was also reported to us that all of the votes Trump has received from his primary will be split between Cruz and Kasich based on the results of a several games of Duck-Duck-Goose.

Costco Sells Items in Larger Quantities

Issaquah, Washington  -  Costco, the second largest retailer in the world has taken yet another step to jump ahead of competitors such as BJ's and Sam's Club. Last Thursday, to attract more customers, Costco announced that they will be selling items in larger quantities.

Costco is already known to be a place to stock up on the largest packages of sardines, toilet paper, peanuts, olive oil, or anything else you can think of. But now, they have gone above and beyond to provide the consumer with even more.

Founder James Sinegal told us that "if I were a customer, I wouldn't want to get a 35-pack of water - no! I would want to be able to go to my local Costco store and have the opportunity to purchase a 45-pack; 35 is just not enough."

When asked what else will be available in larger quantities, he made it clear that he wants the consumer to find out for themselves at the stores, however, he did tell us that you can get a 168oz container of chocolate covered almonds, 2 gallon cartons of milk, and vacuums that about 1.5 times the size of normal sized vacuums. "The vacuums will work just the same as normal vacuums, but they are bigger," Sinegal reported.

Membership prices will be doubled, however, the new membership cards will be larger as well. It is hard to imagine customers bothering to sign up for memberships at BJ's or Sam's Club when Costco will be offering items for sale in larger quantities than the competitors.

Joe Buck Retires

New York, NY - It has been long awaited by many and the day has finally come. Joe Buck has announced his retirement from the broadcast booth in both baseball and football. It has been about 20 years that fans have been forced to listen to the same voice while watching baseball and football games on Fox. This day has been long awaited and has finally come.

Buck, in an interview reported the following: "After reading the social media comments over the last couple World Series', I finally realized that people just don't like me very much and that I make the experience more annoying rather than enjoyable for fans. I really tried to come at my broadcasting objectively but let's be honest - I like the Yankees, big home run sluggers, and watching the Bachelorette."

Fox Sports will begin interviews next week in search for a new broadcaster to call it's football and baseball games beginning for the 2016 MLB season.

We can only hope Cris Collinsworth follows suit.

Bob Barker Apologizes to Happy Gilmore

        After falling to 45th place in the Pro Golf Tour, Bob Barker could not take it anymore with Happy Gilmore and began taking his frustrations with the golfer out on him in the middle of the tournament. After the initial altercation, this led to Gilmore falling to dead last place. Conflict between the two continued, leading to an all out physical fight between Happy Gilmore and his celebrity caddie, Bob Barker. Gilmore's favorite sport, of course was hockey and Barker insulted Gilmore stating "I can't believe you're a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar. There is no way you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf." Next, Happy took the first shot at Barker by punching him in the face. What took Happy Gilmore by surprise was that Barker got right back up and ended up demolishing him in a full-on fist fight. 　　
     
        Eighteen years later, Bob Barker has announced that he was wrong in insulting the rookie golfer. "It was my fault. I instigated the fight by insulting him. It was only his first time in the Pro Golf Tour. I was just trying to get him going. My father used to do that to me when I would struggle in bowling. I was hoping it would work with Happy," Barker told us last Thursday evening. "I never meant for it to turn into a fight but once he took the first shot, my emotions really got the best of me."
     
        Gilmore, of course did end up coming back and winning the Pro Golf Tour that year (1996) but has not golfed since. Barker also told us that he is proud of Happy for winning that tournament and would like to congratulate him and hopes there are no hard feelings.

NEW Articles Will Be Coming Soon!

Yes, it has been about a year since we've had any good news, but we are definitely due. Some good news is on its way within the next month! Stay tuned!